Sandy Hook

The violent shootings of 26 innocent lives happened a week ago today, and honestly, it has taken me that long to actually write about this.  I haven't really known what to say.  When it happened, I watched it on the news all day in horror, and I cried for those parents who lost their little ones.  I then became very emotional when looking at my own children and wondered how someone could hurt a child.  To look into their eyes and actually hurt them is inconceivable to me.  Because of that feeling, I know that no one in their right frame of mind could have done this.

I grew up in a home with guns.  Both Mitch and I knew that our Dad, grandparents, and family members had guns.  My dad hunted, and had / still has guns for protection.  My Grandpa was an avid gun collector of riffles, hand guns and semi-automatic weapons from the first and second world wars.  I knew what guns were, but my dad never let us touch them, we never shot them, they were always locked up and never loaded.  To this day, I have never shot a gun with my dad, nor have I ever had the desire.  It wasn't something that was ever glorified in our family.  Yes, my family had guns, but they were and still are very responsible with them. 

I do believe that people should be able to have guns, it is our right as citizens, but I also believe that people need to be responsible for them.  It was a tragic scene last week, but I believe that it could have been prevented.

What is the answer??  That is what we are all asking... Take away guns completely?  Supply more guns to security in our schools?  More guns, less guns, no guns... I don't know how this will pan out, but I do know that we will never get rid of guns, so it is time to educate, be responsible, and to preserve the innocence of our children, and the safety of adults.  My dad would be an excellent instructor on gun safety... I might help him realize that he has some really helpful and needed knowledge that is worth sharing.  :)

As I morn the loss of those 20 children, and the faculty that saved so many others, I hold my little ones tight.  I thank God for them every day and it reminds me that I might never know when I will see them again.  I will always kiss and hug them goodbye, I will always tell them that I love them, and they will never let them leave my house with anything left unresolved.  I would hate that hanging over my head if something ever happened to them.  I will do everything that I can to protect them and to make them feel safe.  They are my children, and they deserve that.

As for the shooter, I will never say that man's name.  I do not believe that he deserves that recognition.  I will simply say that I my heart breaks for his surviving family members.  I can't imagine the hurt and shame that they feel. 

I heard a line in a movie once that has always stuck with me... " without suffering, there would be no compassion...tell that to those who suffer"  I think of that line now, from A Walk To Remember.  It is true, but it makes my heart ache.





Progress Report

I joined Weight Watchers a few weeks ago, and it has really put things into perspective, and I believe that there has been a mistake... they are shorting me at least 10 points a day HAHA... But in all seriousness, I have a very wrong idea of my portion size. 

I went down 5 lbs, and now back up 3, so not so good, but I am still learning, and it is the holidays for peat's sake!  But this last week I have done some things and it seems to be working... I sneak veggies into EVERYTHING!!  Mums the word on this because if my husband knew or Blake caught wind, it would be all over... I made mashed potatoes for all of us the other night, and used 1 small russet, 1 bundle of cauliflower, and 2 parsnips... all white veggies, and added some fat free milk, a dab of butter, and a lot of pepper... Kyle loved them.  HAHA I feel very scandalise!  I have been hiding squash in Blake's pancakes in the morning too.  Tonight we are having spaghetti, and I made the sauce with the regular tomatoes, onions, and peppers, and then added some carrots.  I am the only one in this family that will eat carrots, so lets see if I did a good enough job hiding them!

Tonight Kyle and I are going to be going over a menu that we keep on a two week rotation and hopefully that will give us enough choices so that we don't get bored and resort back to our old ways.  I picked some recipes off the Weight Watchers site to run by him.  The hardest part about this is to make it feel like Kyle isn't eating a bunch of diet food.  Kyle is a meat and potatoes kind of guy, and I cant start taking all that away, but just making some itty-bitty changes and also sneaking it in where I can :) 

ALSO, I am about to send our Christmas cards out thanks to some amazing work by Stacy and Shayna to get everyone smiling!!!  Thank you Ladies!

Happy Birthday Grandpa Jump

My Grandpa Jump...Oh what a spunky man he was.  He had this hat that said "Older then Dirt" that he would wear often, and he was the type that would tell stories and start it with "Back in my day, we walked 2 miles up hill to school every day... bare foot... in the snow...with a broken leg"  That is just how he appeared to be... he seemed like this grumpy old man who always thought that the glass was half empty... that's is how he appeared until you got to know him.

Grandpa Jump was a humble man who would give anything for his family and loved them dearly.  He stood about 5"5 but sure was a firecracker!  He had tattoos of "sexy ladies" up his arms that he got in the war... you didn't see them much because he always had on long sleeves to cover them up, but he did say that Grandma was PISSED when she saw them. HAHA.  My grandpa talked about his brothers and sisters a lot.  Aunt Thelma and Aunt Ginger always called to check on him, and I know that he appreciated that, even though he would say to them "I am fine, don't worry about me, stop calling"  Then he would always end the call with "I love you sis" 

I spent a lot of time with my Grandpa after he got sick.  I needed to for me, and I think that he really appreciated me there.  We would watch old war movies and documentaries, and eat Pecan pie, and drink Kool Aid Lemonade.  He loved that stuff.   He was the sickest right after Blake was born, but he drove himself to the hospital, and stayed with me when Blake was in Surgery.  Then he got really sick, but I always brought Blake over to see him, and he called him his "Little Wee One"  Blake would sit with him and then I remember when I brought him over and said " Grandpa, I have something to show you"  I put Blake down on the floor and he crawled over to his Great Grandpa... It took everything he had to pick Blake up, but he did, and then he said " I'll be damned, you are a fast little shit aren't you"  HAHA 

So today, I celebrate his Birthday... maybe I will get some Pecan pie and watch Platoon, but either way, I know he looks after me, and I know that he smiles on my boys.  We Love you and miss you every day!

My Beginning

This is my beginning... I took the weekend to think about which path I wanted to take, and here we go!!  I have joined weight watchers.  After thinking about it, my biggest problem is portion control and motivation.  I love Weight watchers website, and I love reading all the success stories on there.  It is time for me to make this happen!!

I just went to Fred Meyer and got all the essentials for my lifestyle change (I refuse to call this a diet)  Lots of fruits, veggies, whole wheat and nuts.  So, as of tomorrow, I am going to start tracking my points and getting this show on the road!!  I am so excited to start this and to do it the right way... not just quick fixes.  Also, I figure if I can be successful during the Holiday season, then that's one up for me!!  And I will be getting a head start on all the new years resolution people :)

So, as I was reading the success stories, I saw that someone had a picture of them self at their goal weight to keep them motivated... so here it is, me at 150 lbs and this is where I am comfortable, and anything less is a bonus!!...  and you better believe that it will be on my fridge!!

Self Image - NEVER AGAIN

The other day, someone "taged" me on a picture, and let me say that it wasn't very pleasing.  I will be honest, I don't take very much time on myself.  I wear Black yoga pants and a sweatshirt most days, and a ponytail.  Up until now, I thought that I looked pretty put together... nothing like I used to, but I am a busy mom with not enough hands, and for what I have time to do; I thought I did a pretty good job.  Also, let me point out that I am about 40-50 Lbs over weight.  When Kyle and I met, I was a size 6-7 and weighed 120 soaking wet.  Now... (I cant believe I am going to do this, so please forgive me) I am a size 12 (sometimes a 14...okay, usually 14) and I weigh 190...not soaking wet :)  So, you can imagine the disgust when I see a nasty picture of my rear end that is so big it could have its own zip code plastered on my facebook page.  If that isn't enough to make a lifestyle change, and holy hell, I don't know what is.

I am happy in the 130-145 range.  I am no spring chicken, and I have had 2 children, and lets just say that I don't have one of those bodies that "bounces back"  But I would like to wear shorts next summer instead of Capri's and I want to take my kids swimming without worrying about my fat ass falling out the bottom of my suit...if it even covers it all the way ( after seeing that picture I am going to make sure I look at that back as well as the front)  I just need to be comfortable with myself, and right now, I am really far from that. 

Where to start now... not really sure.  I need to think about it and see what would be the best thing for me to take on.  I do definitely think that I need a treadmill... just have to fit that into the budget somewhere... Maybe if I spend less on food, then I can afford the treadmill HAHAHA 

But in all seriousness... I am going to do this.  I don't want to be unhappy with myself anymore, and I am not going to let how I feel about myself effect how I interact with my kids.  LETS DO THIS!!




This is "THAT" picture... NEVER AGAIN!!! 

Viva Las Vegas!!

Vegas was a blast for me because I got to see Garth, but it was also just as fun for the other people that we went with :)

Ryan, Kyles younger brother turned 21 in September, and we got to celebrate it in VEGAS!!  And to top it all off, he is a HUGE Chris Angel fan, and guess who was doing a signing at the Luxor while we were there??  Oh yes, you guessed it, and I don't think that Ryan will ever forget that.  While he was waiting in line (it was pretty long)  Tammy and I snuck into the Titanic exhibit HA!  It was cool, but so glad that I didn't pay $60.00 to see it.  Totally not worth that!

Ryan and Season with Chris Angel

I have never used public transportation before... mostly because I am nervous that I will get lost, but the bus system in Vegas was SUPER easy!!  We didn't use a cab the entire time that we were in Vegas because this was so much cheaper (8.00/day) and there were 6 of us, so sometimes we couldn't all fit in the cab depending on what one it was.  I will definitely ride the Deuce again :)

Ryan, Season and Tammy waiting for the bus!

Kyle and Monty Waiting for the bus.

Did I mention that we were celebrating Ryan turning 21? We went to lots of bars, and we did find some pretty funny bar stools at the MGM at the Rain Forest Cafe!!

All in all, it was a really fun trip.  Lots of good food, fun company, and one AMAZING singer that I will never ever...ever forget!

***Oh, and just a side note...What in the world are people thinking taking their infants to Vegas and walking them around at night (way past bed time) with a bunch of drunk and loud people... I wonder sometimes, and it was actually hard to watch.***

Garth Brooks

Vegas was absolutely AMAZING.  Super hard to leave the kiddos, I had a major break-down the night before we left and in the morning when we got on the plane, but everything went well and we are home now... we are exhausted, but we are home :)  So, the entire reason we went to Vegas was to see Garth Brooks, and what a life changing experience that was!  Some of you might be thinking that I am crazy, but let me tell you, I have waited to see him for so long, and never thought I was going to be able to, and then my WONDERFUL husband got us a trip of a lifetime. 

This concert was like nothing that I have ever seen before... Just Garth, and his guitar.  There wasn't a band, or any special effects, just him, and his stories about how music has influenced his life.  Tricia even made an appearance and sang a few songs, and for those of you that know Garth Brooks music... we did sing the 3rd verses!  It was something that I will never forget, and something that I will talk about for a long time.  He first came out and sang Much to Young (to feel this damn old) and there was me... 15 rows back, with tears running down my face.  One thing about Garth Brooks that I never expected...He sounds so much better in person... if you can believe that!  His voice is so incredibly powerful and it just gives you goosebumps.  So, if you are wondering if I had a good time?? YES!!!  It was the best show that I have ever seen, and if he goes on tour... I am getting front row, and back stage passes!  Honey- you better start saving!!!





BEST NIGHT EVER!!!

Boys Will Be Boys??

We have been very lucky that Tammy (Kyle's mom) has taken Blake to the Little Gym ever since he was about 9 months old.  We have seen amazing things with him as far as hand-eye coordination and also balance and learning how to play appropriately.  Nothing but great things to say about this place and it's teachers.

Last week, we had our first little incident.  Blake is somewhat of a sensitive child, I do not believe that he is overly sensitive, but he can get his feeling hurt.  Kyle and I have always felt really good about the fact that Blake has very good manors.  He knows what is appropriate and what is inappropriate behavior.  There is a new little boy at the little gym that is somewhat challenging... he doesn't have and boundaries, runs into all the kids, pushes them, and steps on them.  Blake stayed out of his way, but was more upset that this little boy hurt his friend, and for the first time in almost 3 years, Blake didn't want to participate.  He was so upset by this little boy that he completely shut down.  The other kids were really upset also, and cried to there parents but Blake was really upset and kept asking Grandma Tammy to put that boy in timeout. (which I actually think is really funny)

Now, I sit outside the class and watch while Tammy goes in with Blake and does all the activities, and I saw it all.  Tammy did an amazing job of trying to reassure Blake and make him feel safe, but he just wasn't having it, he wanted to go home.  So, Tammy talked to the teacher after class about the situation, and I was in there too, and we both expressed our concerns about this new little boy in class and how his mom spends the entire class chasing him around the gym and how he is really upsetting Blake and the other kids... I got the impression from the teacher that this behavior from this other boy is normal, and that boys are just boys... HELL NO IT IS NOT NORMAL!  I am sorry if I offend anyone, but last time I checked, it is not appropriate to allow your child to run into, step on, push over, or jump on anyone.  I think that she knew that she struck a nerve, and then sympathised with Blake and said that she would talk to the other parent about making sure that he doesn't hurt the other kids... I SHOULD HOPE SO!

I am reminded of this post on Pinterest that I have seen... "Boys will be boys, or so they say, but I'm raising my boys to be men some day...Shouting is not nice, and kicking hurts... nobody likes their face in the dirt... So boys that fight, kick and shout...will be boys that sit in timeout."



It just makes me really sad that Blake might not want to go back and do something that he really likes because one child made a bad impression on him.  We are not going to MAKE him do anything that he doesn't want to do... I am all for putting my child in an uncomfortable situation and making them work through it, but at his age, I don't think that he is ready for that.  We are going to take a week off from going... we are going to be out of town anyways, but then we are going to take him back and make it as positive as we can.  Hopefully that will help, but we will see. 

***Confession:  Part of me wanted to tell him to hit the kid back HAHA  I didn't do that, but I secretly wanted him to... I would have had to reprimand Blake if he did take action into his own hands though...LIKE PARENTS SHOULD!!!

Trying the More Natural Approach

So, the more and more we watch the news, the more I see how much nasty stuff is put into food, and this whole "natural thing" started when I went to start Luke on Rice Cereal, and now it has high levels of arsenic in it, and you should only give it to your kids once a week... umm, hello, how about not at all??

In April,  we bought half a cow... grass fed organic beef... and we love it.  It was quite a sacrifice to make financially, but we felt that it was better for us, and we really wanted to try it out, and we are sure glad that we did!  We actually know what we are putting into our bodies, and I know it didn't come from an assembly line of cows in cages in a nasty slaughter house.  I guess it makes me feel better knowing that it ran freely on Dan and Julie's farm :)

So, back to the all natural thing... I was looking for an alternative to the rice cereal since it is that time, and what I ended up doing was made some pured potatos with breast milk and Luke absolutely LOVES them... so yesterday, I talked to Kyle, and we are going to eat more healthy, and I threw in there... we should go organic... I figured it would be a little bit more, but HOLY MOLY!!  I went to Fred Meyers, and I was shocked!  They have a pretty good Organic and natural section, but I almost feel like I need to be rich to shop in that section.  I bought some bread, eggs, yogurt, granola, fruit and veggies...just the basics, and not very much at all compared to what I normally buy, and I spent over 100.00 on food that filled 2 paper grocery bags.  I mean, I would love to make this sacrifice for my family, but goodness gracious... I am a stay at home mom and we have ONE income, and that is just not in the budget.

We do want to start using more natural products, but we are going to have to start small, and slowly start incorporating them into our home.  It is just discouraging that it costs more to buy something that is less processed.  Groceries in general are going up and up, but organic is crazy expensive! But starting small will hopefully make it less overwhelming.  Our main goal is to not eat anything out of a box.

So, since the whole organic thing, I have become a canning fool!!  Canned a bunch of Italian plums, dehydrated some too, and they are super yummy!!  I also pureed some and put them in the freezer for Luke when we have intestinal issues :)  Made a batch of Raspberry Jam, 2 batches of Loganberry Jam, and 1 batch of Marion berry Jam... YUMMMM!!!  We eat a lot of PB&J in this house, so this is more of a necessity!  Also, we have some apple trees on our property, but they are not good to just bite into.  Some have some worm spots in them, but if you cut those out, they are something AMAZING!!  And perfect for applesauce!  It takes a long time to make the applesauce with peeling, cutting out the bad parts, cutting them into small chunks, and then actually making the sauce and canning it, but it is SOOOO worth it.  There is nothing like homemade applesauce. So for now, that's all the canning I have done...next year I hope to do a lot more with the veggies in my garden, but this year, it just didn't happen with a new baby in the house... we had other things going on :)

Yummy canned plums!!

Blake LOVED helping!



Sometimes the ugliest apples make the best applesauce!!

Blake turned 3!!

This day has always been bitter sweet for me... each year it gets easier, but still some really scary memories of how Blake came into this world.  September 29th is a day that I realized what it takes to be a parent... what sacrifice means, and what unconditional love feels like, so for that, I am so very grateful.  There was a nurse in the NICU named Liz, and she said to me " you don't know how strong you are until you have to be strong, and I know you are stronger then you feel right now"  Then she let me hold my baby for the first time (48 hours after he was born)  I will never forget that, and I will never forget her.  I have tears in my eyes now just thinking about her,  and what that moment felt like... the first time I was able to hold my child.  I remember just looking at him and crying, being so thankful for that moment.  I didn't care about the what happened before, or what tomorrow meant, it was just that second, and I will always remember that feeling.




Now, Blake is 3...and what an exciting 3 years it has been!  Mr. Blake is an active, healthy, strong boy.  He has a tenderness about him at times that could never be taught, but also, a fire in his eyes that shows a deep passion.  He is my amazing little man, and my miracle baby.  Every day, he says, or does something that amazes me... what a special boy we have...

Blake loves:

Batman
otter pops (green ones)
french fries
acting like a cowboy
riding his bike
watching Little Bear
Reading Cat in the Hat
running bear foot outside
digging in the dirt
jumping, swinging, and bouncing off anything that he can

Happy 3rd Birthday Blake!!

Blake the Negotiator

Blake has become Mr. Negotiator lately.  Mostly when we are getting ready for bed time, or if we are getting ready to leave someones house.  I remember that I used to do this to my parents too, and for some reason, I thought I always had the upper hand. HA!  I don't give in very often, but sometimes he is just too darn cute, and I cant help myself.

We were getting ready for bed time, and what we do is - shower, brush teeth, read story, and bed time... after we say goodnight to the aunts in the aunt farm of course!  He said to me "Mama, you snuggle with me for 5 minutes, then I say "No, not 5 minutes, but I will lay with you for 1 minute"  He then counters back with "2 minutes"  I say "well, how about zero minutes" and then Blake said "1 minutes is just fine Mama"  Haha... when did he learn this, and since when did he realize that he could negotiate bed time?  I thought he was pretty clever, and I didn't realize that he understood that 1 is less then 5.  we say the numbers, but I didn't think that he understood their value... just another way that my children amaze me every day!!

Just goes to show that his wheels are ALWAYS turning!!

Where did Otto go Mama?

It has been almost a year since our precious Otto passed away of bloat, but Blake still randomly asks about him.  I try to be as honest as I can without being overly honest, but it is just so confusing for the little man... Blake is in the "Why Mama?" stage, so dodging a question about anything is hard to do.  He doesn't understand why we can't go and get Otto from Heaven, he asks why he left, and then he asked me if he made Otto sad and that is why he left?  I told him that it wasn't anything that anyone did, it was just his time.  I told him that Otto went to heaven and that it is not a place that we can go visit.  I then told him that Heaven is a very special place, and that it takes a lot of really hard work to get there.  I asked him to remember how Otto always played with him and let Blake roll all over him, and he said that he remembered.  So I told him that Otto worked so hard his entire life to be good to the people that he loved, and when he got really old, god let him go to Heaven so that he could rest.  I don't know if I got anywhere with him because he looked at me again and then said, "I want to go see him"  I cant believe that he really remembers him.  It just goes to show what an impact a dog can have on a child's life...what a friend they can be.  I can honestly say that our life was better having Otto in it, and he is missed very much, and almost a year later, it is still hard to think about.

 

  

A Fun Mess!!!

Days like today, I am so thankful to be a stay at home mommy.  Art projects can be somewhat challenging in our family because although I love my husband dearly, he would about have a coronary if he saw the mess we made today...luckily it was all cleaned up, and he will never be the wiser.

Kyle allows Blake to be creative, but in a very clean and organized environment... I, on the other hand, let him go a little bit more outside the lines... we have rules of course - Paint only stays on the paper, don't mix the brushes up and stay on the drop cloth... But at one point, he had painted his hands, feet and daddy's old t-shirt (thank you daddy) HAHA  I think that it's great, but Kyle would have washed his hands every time he got paint on them... nothing wrong with that I suppose, but now I am home and I can do the projects the way I want :)

Blake made a fine display of pictures today while Luke sat in his bouncy seat and watched.  I thought Luke would have had enough sooner, but he seemed pretty entertained with both hands in his mouth and watching all the colors going up on the paper that big brother so carefully placed.  HAHA

Happy 5 Years

Kyle and I met in High School as Seniors... it is funny to me that we had been at the same schools for 6 years, and it was just our last year that our paths actually crossed.  Who would have guessed that we would still be together now... I know some people that told me that it would never work... that we were too young to understand what real love is... but it did work, and it did last, and it will continue to last and grow.  I married my best friend on August 25th 2007, and oh, how time flies.  We have actually be together for 10 years... but who is counting :)

We bought our first house at 19, our second house at 22, married at 22, Blake at 24, 3rd house at 26, and Luke at 27.  It has been really jam-packed, but it has all been amazing.  I couldn't have asked for anyone better...  Someone to get you water in the middle of the night... to clean out your car because it is always a disaster, and someone that makes AMAZING fluffy tacos among other things.  Sometimes it is scary to think that someone knows you better then you know yourself, but so comforting at the same time.  I am so lucky to have met an amazing man, and that he actually picked me to spend the rest of his life with.  We have two miracle children and a life that is crazy, but beautiful at the same time... what more could I ask for?

 

 

Luke is 2 months old!!

At two months old, this little man is growing like a weed!

13.1 Lbs
23 3/4 Inches Long
Eats 5-6 Oz every 2.5 hours during the day

Luke has rolled over 3 times from his back to his stomach (once in fron of his doctor)
He smiles and coos all the time and is a very happy baby!  Giving me on average a 5 hour streach of sleep at night, which is much appreciated!  He is my mellow child, just goes with the flow, doesnt really cry, and LOVES food! HAHA

We all love him very much, and are so lucky to have such a sweet little one!!

Enjoying our New Free Time

I am not going to lie, since Luke has been brought into our lives, everything has changed, and going from splitting my time between work and being a mom, to being a full time mom with two has had its challenges, and I finally realized that I have been a little hard on myself.  I put a lot of pressure on myself to keep the house clean, have dinner on the table when Kyle comes home, getting all the day to day stuff done so that the house runs smoothly, and trying to be perfect.  Life's imperfections is what makes everything so special, and I see that now.  Yes, my goal is to keep the house clean and get dinner on the table at a decent hour,  but I know now that I haven't failed if it doesn't happen.

I broke down the other day because I felt like there just wasn't enough hours in the day to do everything that I THOUGHT I needed to do, and my amazing husband said to me...Jes, I don't know how you do it, and I don't think that I could do everything that you do in a day... those simple words of praise and gratitude made me see something in myself that I hadn't seen before.  This life we have chosen, although, very challenging with an infant and a very busy almost 3 year old, is the most rewarding path I have ever taken.  I am home with my boys...loving them every day, and giving them all that I have.  That means that sometimes I wear my yoga pants all day, and never do my makeup... (I don't even know if I have makeup anymore) but we play, and when Kyle gets home, and we aren't rushing to do laundry and pick up the house like we did before when I worked.  We get to play, and spend time together, and to me, that is worth all the days when I am exhausted and worn out.  Dinner is actually made instead of throwing a frozen pizza in the oven, or stopping to pick something up on the way home (I still do this occasionally, but not nearly as often)

I know now that it is not about having a super set schedule about days that I have to do laundry, and days when I have to vacuum, but more about enjoying my children, and helping them become whoever they are going to be.  Although nap times and feedings are very scheduled, (I will never compromise on that for my own sanity) I have learned now, not to beat myself up if I didn't get to folding that last load of laundry for the day.  I will always keep a tidy house, that is just who I am because you never know when someone will just stop by, but now I know I can give myself a little slack. 

This is what enjoying the free time that we have now looks like...

With Uncle Mitchy!

Kyle's new toy...faster lawn mowing gives him more time with the family HAHA... That was his reason for needing the John Deer Green!!

Yes, we had to get Blake one too... they mow together!

Peaceful Boys.

My Busy Boy... all this while I was changing Luke not 15 feet away.

Always room on Grandma's lap!

Picked Mama flowers...roots and all!