Our Crazy Beautiful Life: July 2012

I am not going to lie, since Luke has been brought into our lives, everything has changed, and going from splitting my time between work and being a mom, to being a full time mom with two has had its challenges, and I finally realized that I have been a little hard on myself. I put a lot of pressure on myself to keep the house clean, have dinner on the table when Kyle comes home, getting all the day to day stuff done so that the house runs smoothly, and trying to be perfect. Life's imperfections is what makes everything so special, and I see that now. Yes, my goal is to keep the house clean and get dinner on the table at a decent hour, but I know now that I haven't failed if it doesn't happen.

I broke down the other day because I felt like there just wasn't enough hours in the day to do everything that I THOUGHT I needed to do, and my amazing husband said to me...Jes, I don't know how you do it, and I don't think that I could do everything that you do in a day... those simple words of praise and gratitude made me see something in myself that I hadn't seen before. This life we have chosen, although, very challenging with an infant and a very busy almost 3 year old, is the most rewarding path I have ever taken. I am home with my boys...loving them every day, and giving them all that I have. That means that sometimes I wear my yoga pants all day, and never do my makeup... (I don't even know if I have makeup anymore) but we play, and when Kyle gets home, and we aren't rushing to do laundry and pick up the house like we did before when I worked. We get to play, and spend time together, and to me, that is worth all the days when I am exhausted and worn out. Dinner is actually made instead of throwing a frozen pizza in the oven, or stopping to pick something up on the way home (I still do this occasionally, but not nearly as often)

I know now that it is not about having a super set schedule about days that I have to do laundry, and days when I have to vacuum, but more about enjoying my children, and helping them become whoever they are going to be. Although nap times and feedings are very scheduled, (I will never compromise on that for my own sanity) I have learned now, not to beat myself up if I didn't get to folding that last load of laundry for the day. I will always keep a tidy house, that is just who I am because you never know when someone will just stop by, but now I know I can give myself a little slack.

This is what enjoying the free time that we have now looks like...