Happy Birthday Blake!!

Oh my goodness, where has the time gone?!?  This little courageous boy went from being born with a large amount of challenges to a thriving big boy.  Blake has not skipped a beat... not one!  He is happy, healthy and full of energy.  My little "Honey Bee" as I like to call him, is the most caring child I know.  He has a heart of gold, a sharp mind and a deep sense of feeling.  We are so excited to spend an entire day celebrating Blake with the people that love him the most!

Happy 4th Birthday to our amazing boy!

Blake says "Lets talk about..... Aunt Dawn"

Every night when I put him to bed, he always wants to talk about something.  I don't know if its just to push out bedtime or not, but some of our conversations get really funny.  I remember one when he said " let's talk about why dad has little boobs and yours are big". Haha, yes, my child is the one that asks those questions, and I assure you, I answer them as technically as I can.

Tonight, Blake said " let's talk about Aunt Dawn". My heart sank... Was I going to answer this right? Oh, lord give me the words... I said " what about her? ". Blake said " do you miss her"  "yes" I said, "I miss her everyday.  She was a very special person".  Get ready for this... Blake looks at me, puts his hand on my face and says " she thinks you are special too, and she says not to cry".  My heart stopped, my mouth was wide open, I had a lump in my throat, and tears came running down my face.  Blake then yelled at me "STOP CRYING, she doesn't like seeing you do that".  I realized that I couldn't keep my composure anymore, so I hugged him very tightly, told him that I cry because I miss her, but I will try to remember her with a smile instead, gave him a kiss, and I left his room.  It was just too much for me.  I was shaking, and just stood in silence for a few minutes right outside his door.

Where is Kyle when you need him... At a HOCKEY GAME for goodness sakes! (Emotional wreck right here) Oh my goodness... You know, I don't really know if I believe in spirits (never seen one), and Blake might have just been on story mode and I am seeing something that isn't there, but it gave me chills.  I still have goosebumps and tears thinking... What if?  What if she was there, talking to Blake?  I don't want to sound hokey, but maybe, just maybe, it was her?  I didn't ask Blake any questions, I could hardly speak, but maybe I will ask him tomorrow after I have some time to pull myself together.

I miss her everyday, she is irreplaceable.  Forever in my heart... To be remembered with a smile, and a glass of wine... Which I am going to go pour right now.  I need one after that conversation!

Tears of Joy

We were all excited as we left the house, Luke was even clapping in the car.  We sang wheels on the bus the whole way to preschool, and when we got there, Blake yelled " LOOK, MY SCHOOL, HURRY!"  

Blake said goodbye to Luke, and I walked him into his class... there was his teacher, Mrs. Barb, and a bunch of other kids... Blake looked at me and smiled.  We hung up his coat, and walked over to his teacher.  She welcomed him with open arms, and gave him a big hug.  He looked back at me as he ran to play with the other kids... " bye Mom, I love you" I smiled as big as I could to keep the tears inside, and waved goodbye.  I started to walk out, and Mrs Barb came over and handed me a little note with a tissue.  I got in the car, started to cry and called Kyle...  I just cant believe how big he is, and how grown up he acts sometimes.  

Luke and I went home, and played, did some laundry and vacuumed... I kept noticing myself looking at the clock in anticipation of when we could leave to go and pick him up.  Luke even noticed his brothers absence... he kept going into his brother room and looking for him... kind of sad, but also sweet.

11:40 rolls around and we head out to get him!  I walk into the classroom, and find a smiling boy with a TON of artwork that he did that day!  He comes running over to me with a big smile and the first thing he said..." I did it, I stayed all day and didn't even cry"  By this time, I am an emotional wreck, and tears start welling up in my eyes AGAIN!  I got a big hug and a kiss from my biggest little man, and a good report from the teacher.  I couldn't have asked for a better first day, and I am so proud of him! Then, we were off the Wally's to celebrate with an ice cream cone!  We all deserved some sweets after such an emotional day... maybe the ice cream was more for my emotional satisfaction, but it was also to celebrate a great start the our very first school year!!

Big Changes Make a Weary Mama

I have not been sleeping well lately, and I am not sure if it is because of all the changes that are ahead, or if it is just due to Lucy snoring louder then normal, but boy, am I tired.

Today, I cannot be tired...today, I cannot show any other emotion but excitement, and today, my oldest little man becomes a big boy.  I have been coaching myself through this.  Smile...be encouraging, and don't fall apart in front of him.

This is a big deal for our family.  Blake has never been without myself or Tammy.  We were so very lucky to have Tammy take care of him his first two years of life while I went back to work, and these last year and a half has been amazing, but it is now time for him to thrive in an environment where he can learn, grow, and imagine.

I have realized also that my days aren't just going to be my call anymore... Now I have a school schedule to work around.  He will be in the morning class, so he will be there until noon, come home, have lunch and then take his nap... Oh what an adjustment this will be, but I am looking forward to some special time with Luke.  Maybe I can find a swim class for us or something, but whatever we do, it will be nice to spend that quality time with him.

They sure grow fast...  But I know this little man will be just fine, it is me that I am worried about :)
I wonder how this is going to go... he is already telling me he doesn't want to go...I will update later :)

Westport Camping Trip... Kind Of A Nightmare

We have been gone for pretty much the past 2 weeks camping around beautiful western Washington.  We started our adventure a couple weeks ago at Westport with my parents.  My dad loves the ocean, and so do I... not so great out in a boat in the ocean (I do not have sea legs) but I love the smell of it, the wind, and I love when it is actually sunny on the coast!

We left Friday after Kyle got home from work and right before we left, I noticed that Little man felt warm.  I gave him some Tylenol just in case, and then packed the kids up, hooked up the trailor and off we went.  Well, accident after accident, it took us almost 4 hours to get there.  We had some super cranky little ones, and exhausted parents.  Luke refused to sleep in the car so as soon as we got hooked up at the campground, Kyle took Blake down to the beach so that I could get Luke to sleep... what happened next is what set the tone for the entire trip.

I fed Luke a bottle, and we were laying on my bed, and then all of a sudden... projectile vomit EVERYWHERE....my bed, the floor (even went in the heater vent) the bathroom door, the sink, and all over me.  got to love a mixture of Gatorade and hole milk all over everything... it was like pink goo.  I quickly called Kyle and had him come back and help me clean everything up, and we got a game plan down.  A quick dose of more Tylenol and rocking to sleep finally got him out.

My parents got there later that night, and I was very happy to see them.  Somewhere in all the mix of everything, Kyle had burnt his hand (really badly) thank you Dad for burn cream, and Blake got every pair of shoes wet and only had his crocs left, and Luke only slept for 40 minutes.  He would feel good for about an hour before the Tylenol stopped working.  So that hour was the only time that I could put him down.  the rest of the time, I had a baby attached to my hip.

Next day Kyle and Dad got up really early to go Salmon fishing, and me and mom held down the fort.  Blake got to spend some really fun time with her because Luke only wanted me, so I am glad that she was there to help him have some fun too. Me and Luke just kind of hunkered down in the trailer with all the comforts of home...NOT!  When you have a sick baby, all you want is a rocking chair and some black out drapes!   We did take a little break and went into Westport for some ice cream :)

That whole day was a lot of crankyness from Luke, and I was so ready to throw in the towel and go home.  I didn't want to be there anymore, and I was tired of getting up-chucked on, but we stuck it out and I am so glad that we did, because the next day, I had a happy and fever free baby :)  Sun and happy kids always seems to happen on the day that you leave right?  

We decided that we didn't come all the way to the ocean to not go down and see it, so before we left, we took a trip to the ocean, and it was a lot of fun!

This is how our time at the ocean went...

Luke finds dead crab...

 Luke Steps on Dead crab...

 Blake sees dead crab...

 Blake chases Brother with dead crab...

Blake decides to go swimming in the ocean with his clothes on...

 Lets take off the sweatshirt..

 Mom hanging with a tired little man...

Blake trying out his Sports Illustrated pose...

Luke was so tired that he fell asleep in the sand while playing with Kyle.  Poor Guy...

Oh, Yeah... they caught some Salmon :)

So, it was one of those trips that kinda sucked but at the same time, we had some really fun times... and on a side note, after Blake got done rolling in the water and sand, he smelt like a dead animal!  he even commented on how bad he smelt, so we had to go back to the RV park before we left, and gave him a shower in the bathroom... Little boys are oh, so gorse!

Blake's feet after 3 days of camping at the ocean and refusing to wear shoes...

I sure wish this one had been feeling better... he has a few days at home before we leave for Lake Cushman!  Stay tuned :)

Love his Baby Blues

This boy has some fierce blue eyes... along with that platinum blonde hair... 

I am going to have to fight those girls off some day!!

HAPPY FRIDAY!!

This Is Not A Fairy Tale, It Is Reality

I recently read a blog post by Lisa-Jo Baker " You Think Your Love Story Is Boring" and absolutely loved it!  It gave me a little inspiration of my own :)

I am a sucker for love stories... Dear John, Love Actually, The Notebook, Safe Haven, You've Got Mail... The list goes on, but that Nicholas Sparks sure must be living in a fairy tale!  I wonder if he has a wife and maybe he acts out all of his novels with her?  I wonder if she would agree with what I am about to say??

I do not believe in fairy tales.  I think that we all can have fairy tale like moments in our lives, but our lives are not all... Running after someone in the airport, stacks of love letters, moments where your eyes meet and a passionate kiss follows, meeting your true love on top of the Empire State Building, or a rowboat caught in a rainstorm under the magnolia trees.  I think that my life is so much more then a typical romance movie or novel and, it is not a fairy tale.

At the end of the movie, the lights come on... Reality sets in and life starts again, and as you exit the theater, you usually here women asking their husbands " why don't you ever say those things to me". "Why don't you ever kiss me like that". I am GUILTY of just these things!!  Little do they know that the fact that their husband just sat through a chick-flick in public says a lot about how they feel about you...

My husband has never spent months annonomously writing me love e mails and chatting on AOL, and then met me in a garden in NY and gave me one of those sweep me off my feet kind of kisses as strangers passed as "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" plays in the background.

He comes home after a hard days work, and sees me all disheveled and gives me a smile and kisses me on the forehead as he takes a clingy 14 month out of my hands so that I can finish dinner.

He has never ran through an airport and met me at the gate just as I am about to board the plain and declared his love for me.

He was there at the birth of both of our boys.  Encouraging me, holding my shaking legs and swolen ankles.  Getting me a cold rag for my head, and telling me that I am strong.  He held my sweaty hand as I gritted my teeth and brought our boys into this world, and he was glad to do it.

He has never gotten us stuck in a old-fashioned rowboat in a rainstorm.

We can't wait to see him.  As soon as that white Hermanson work truck pulls down the road, the boys throw everything down that they are doing and run to him.  He grabs them. Kisses them. Hugs them  and loves them.  He comes into a house that is in slight disarea with hockey sticks on the floor, shoes in the door way, and a new finger painting on the fridge and he says white a smile " looks like you all had fun today."

He has never sent me 10 dozen roses.

He gets up at 2 am to help me sooth a teething baby so that I can get some sleep even though he has to be up at 4:30 to go to work.

He has never stood in the middle of a crowd and shouted his love for me while everyone has stopped and stared.  Followed by their applause...Well he kind of did that when he proposed :)

He has gone out in the middle of the night for milk when we have ran out.  He has driven babies to sleep in the car, he has folded laundry, emptied the dishwasher and vacuumed up cracker crumbs.

He has never said " you had me at hello"

When we fight, he is always fair and kind when I sometimes lose my temper.  He never goes to bed until we resolve our issues, and he always kisses me goodnight. He is the voice of reason when I get lost in my own thoughts, and even though we can have arguments that drive a wedge between us, we always fight to find our way back to each other.

We have never met on the top of the Empire State Building on Valentines Day.

He kisses me goodbye every morning, he calls to check on me during the day, and makes silly jokes that only we understand.  He lets me put my frigid feet between his legs at night, he gives me the chocolaty bottom part of the Drumstick, and he sleeps with kids feet in his face, and a snoring dog on the floor.

My life is not a fairy tale, and my husband is not a knight on a white horse fighting off a dragon to rescue me... the lights have turned, and our eyes are wide open.  My reality is so much more valuable then a romantic fantasy.  This is a life that includes hockey practices, dirty dishes, mounds of laundry and special memories that we are going to make together... and we steal small moments that are just ours.

My life does have something that a fairy tale has... a happy ending :)