Self Perception

Isn't it crazy that our weight can dictate so much about how we feel about ourselves?  I know that it isn't supposed to, and that your supposed to love yourself unconditionally no matter what, but when you get to a point where you are unhappy with your physical appearance, it does, at least for me, change how I feel about myself. 

I was doing really good, and I lost 30lbs, and I have 30 to go before I am really happy with everything, but during the holidays, I gave myself a little "break" on my health kick, and now, I am disappointed in my progress.  I knew that it was going to happen, and I wasn't going to NOT eat a Christmas cookie, but it just feels like November and December stalled any progress, and maybe that's why everyone resolves to be healthier as of January 1st...because we all ate so much CRAP for two months straight. 

After Christmas, we both felt so yucky, Kyle felt nasty and so did I... but this time has been different then any other... for the first time, I am not the only one in my home that is battling this.  I think that my husband looks amazing and he is the light of my life.  I don't see what he sees, just as he doesn't see what I see in myself... love is blind... so they say :)  So December 27th... the day after our very last Christmas celebration, we kicked it into high gear, and this is the first time ever that we are both wanting to make a change, and as selfish as it is, I am so glad that I am not the only one dealing with this.  He is ready to make the same healthy choices as I am because he has realized that as we age, our bodies don't burn fat like they used to... ahhh the only reason I wish that I was 20 again was so that I could eat whatever I wanted without and consequences! - that's probably the reason that I am in this situation!?!?

With 30lbs left to lose, I cant really complain.  I feel better then I did 6 months ago, and hopefully in 6 more months, I will feel even better then I do now.  Its just that I hate that I even feel this way... why do I even have this problem... why is it even an issue... why did I let it happen?  I get that Life happens and that we get caught up in all life's moments, but I just want to reach my goal and I want this journey to be over... its so much easier to put it on then to take it off...ugh!  Time to tighten the reigns and get it done... Its been WAY too long.

I read this today and it just really hit home...

I wont do it anymore.  After a good cry with a bag of BBQ Chips in my hand, and a sad stream of texts to Tammy, I found my motivation to keep pushing through...I have made some amazing changes, but more are waiting to be made... We have an amazing family who are also making healthy choices and together we will conquer this... just wish that it could happen faster!!  I am doing it the right way...without pills or cleanses, or all that other weird stuff you see advertised anywhere...  although lipo seems very appealing at the moment, but maybe that's the point... why its so much harder to lose then gain... because as you are losing weight, you are gaining wisdom about your body, and really dealing with the reasons that we are unhappy with ourselves, its fast and easy to cover it up with food... hummm I think I need therapy!!

My Loudest Cheerleader!  Love Him!!