When I worked outside the home, I was always in a job that forced me to be social, not in a bad way, and I loved it. I loved talking to people, helping people and I genially do care about people. I still like to talk... believe me, get me on the phone and you'll have to pretend your phone died to get me off, or sit next to me at the park while I watch my kids play, and I will always find something to talk about, but recently, I have lost that spark. I have become a homebody, and I actually would rather be home then anywhere else. I think a lot of it is to do with being 8 months pregnant, and I feel safe here but my perspective of life outside my little home has become almost scary
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Traffic gives me anxiety, and it shouldn't... I used to drive downtown Seattle in the middle of rush hour without a problem. Crowds... forget about it. I wont combat them right now without Kyle, and I used to feel like I could take on anything, even with kids in tow, but lately, I just don't feel like its worth it. I don't really call people, I just figure that if they want to talk to me for some reason, they will call me. I even went as far as dwindling down my Facebook friends and made my profile completely private to those who aren't on my friends list. This might not sound like a whole lot, but I used to see myself as super outgoing, adventurous, and goofy. Now, I'm like an old spinster with 50 cats!
Maybe after our little guys is born, ill get my groove back, or maybe its the result of being out of the workforce for so long, I don't know, but what I do know is that this change in me is noticeable, especially to my close friends and family. I'm not going to let it go on forever, but for right now, when I feel vulnerable, awkward and unsure about things as I near the end of this pregnancy, if you need me, you will most likely find me at home :)
