We Found Him And He Is Safe!

Thank you all for your thought and prayers and also all your incredibly kind words regarding Mitch and my last post.  The post had true feelings but was intended to grab his attention and get him to reach out to someone since none of us knew where he was and he was threatening his own life, and I am really glad that it worked!  He is now in a detox program and will need to transfer into a rehab facility.  The only this is that he needs to choose to do these things, we cant make him stay.  As an amazingly wise aunt told me " You didn't ask me to walk you down that road, so don't ask me to walk you back"  he's on his own, but at least for now, I know that he's in a safe place.  XOXO

I'm The Sister Of A Drug Addict

I am the sister of a drug addict, I have been the sister of a drug addict for over ten years.  Right now, I sit here and I don't know where my brother is.  He could be high, he could be hurt, he could be on the edge of death, or he could even be dead.  I always wonder if I have done the right things to help him... I wonder if my love has been too hard or it has been too comforting.  I wonder if my kids will ever really know him, or if were going to be attending his funeral.  I know so many things about being a drug addicts sister that it makes me sick... I've held it in for many years and not talked about it to anyone except Kyle and close family, but its time to talk about it.  My blog is my therapy, although many could argue that I might need professional help to deal with what's going on, but for right now, this is my saving grace...

I know what it feels like to want someone else to save him because I am too tired to keep trying.
I know what its like to go visit someone in rehab over 7 times in 7 different rehabs...maybe more, I lost count.
I have tried to forget about him.
I know what it feels like to get the call from your parents that he's doing bad things again.
I know what its like to hear people talk about him like he's a monster, and to secretly agree, and then feel guilty about it.
I have seen my parents and their marriage suffer for years.
I have believed his lies even though everything in my body tells me not to.
I know what it feels like to cry yourself to sleep over it.
I know what its like when your grandpa asks for him in his final minutes of life and you have to just smile and tell him that he's on his way when you know he's high on someone's couch somewhere.
I know that feeling in the pit in your stomach when someone asks you how he's doing, and you just don't know what to say.
I hope and pray that I will not have children that behave like him...
I have forgotten that he does have a good heart, because all I see is a heroin addict.
If he dies, I almost feel like I would be set free... I know that's horrible, but i'm so tired of fighting for someone who doesn't fight harder then me.
If I don't here from him for a while, I always expect the worst.
I will never leave my kids with him alone.  I cant.
I am so angry with him, but I never want him to see that because I don't want to be the one that sends him over the edge.
My husband will never have a brother in law that he will have a relationship with.
We have been stolen from - Tools - Money - prescription meds - Kids Birthday Money...
I remember how he was as a kid, and it makes me so sad to think about who he is now.
most of the talks I have with my parents are about him, and what he has done bad now...
I don't want him to know that were going out of town because I am afraid that he will break in.
I hate that people call it a disease... cancer is a disease... disease isn't something that you choose to do.  It pisses me off that people call it a disease.

So, I don't know what tomorrow will bring.  I don't know if I am going to get a call that he is dead, or that he is in jail, or that he checked into rehab again... maybe he will disappear and we will never know?  I don't know.  What I hope for really doesn't matter anymore.  Its not up to me, and believe me, I know that I cant fix anything or change him.  I cant make him stop and I cant make him want a healthy life.  I cant make him want a relationship with his nephews or with his parents... I just want him to know that I will never stop helping him fight...he just needs to be the one to throw the first punch.  

3 Going On 16

I just cant believe that my baby is 3.  I feel like it was just yesterday when we brought him home, and I cant believe how big he has gotten.  He is smarter then his own good, and I can no longer really persuade him, he has his own mind and he sure knows when he wants.  Luke has 2 speeds... 0 or 100 -  He has no in between.  His emotions follow the same suit... he loves hard, laughs hard, plays rough, but at the same time, he will give you the biggest kiss and tell you how much he loves you.  He gives the tightest hugs and runs to you and leaps into your arms with the biggest smile. 

Lucas is only going to be the baby for a little while longer, and I have no doubt that he will transition into the Big Brother role with flying colors, and he is really excited for it!  I am showing just the tiniest bit and he will point to my stomach and ask if this is where the baby is, and then give my stomach a kiss.  He thinks that the baby is a boy and he wants to name him Jason... haha and he says that Baby Jason can share his bed with him, but he cant poop in it HA!
I thought I would give a little interview to my newly turned 3 year old... Out of the mouths of babes :)

Favorite Color - Seahawks Green
Favorite Food - Mac and Cheese from Red Robin - BBQ chips are a close second :)
TV Show - Paw Patrol
What do you want to be when you grow up - Fireman
When he learns to drive, he wants to drive a green fire truck to school.
Favorite Bug - Worms
favorite place - Hawaii (he's never been there)
Favorite Part of the Day - When I get to find the eggs :)
Tub or Shower - Shower
Favorite Animal at the Zoo - Fish Tank


Happy Birthday to our sweet boy...I cant believe he is 3!!! 

 

Little Bean!

We had our first Dr. Appointment yesterday with our new Doctor since my previous ob retired... I LOVE HER!  Dr Ladonna Jones is so funny and sweet, and very positive.  If I knew her outside of her job, I think that we would be great friends haha!

We found out that I am only 8.5 weeks instead of the 9.5 weeks that I originally thought, but at least I wasn't too far off since I wasn't keeping track of anything... I was kind of guessing HAHA... glad I was close :) 

I am excited to say that I have hardly had any morning sickness... just a little yucky feeling if I eat too early, and I do get pretty tired, but nothing like my last pregnancies.  With both boys I was puking in the toilet at work every day, and sometimes I would throw up in the car while sitting in rush-hour everyday on the way home.  So, I have no complaints this time around.  I plan on doing things very differently this time.  I think that last couple times I used being pregnant as an excuse to eat anything I wanted, and I know I can splurge every now and then, but I am going to make sure I am eating healthy whole foods and not eating a bunch of crap... and I am walking most days too, and I am going to continue that. Healthy and strong is the goal this time around... not junk food and a couch!  Besides, I have two very active boys to keep up with, so I don't think I am going to have much of a chance to be lazy :)

I still don't really feel like this is real, and I sometime think that its all a dream.  I just cant believe that we have been entrusted with another life!  What was God thinking? HAHAHAHA  I am sure glad he sent another our way... now I cant imagine our family without this baby :)

30 Things About Turning 30

I turned the big 3-0 on Wednesday, and I am not to upset about it.  I had a goal to lose some weight by the time I turned 30 and it did not happen because of this 10 week old bun in the oven... but I don't see it as a failure, but as a different path, but still dropped about 40lbs, and I feel good about that.  So, my 30's are going to be extraordinary!!  They are going to be full of health, love, raising my babies, and really feeling life.  I am going to embrace it all with open arms, a little more wisdom, and less pizza (pizza is my weakness).  So here are my top 30 things I have been thinking about while newly turning 30 :)

1- I now use both wrinkle cream and acne cream... weren't zits supposed to leave in my teens?
2- I finally stopped biting my nails after 29.5 years because I finally realized how nasty it was!
3- I have never been one for materialistic things, but spendy things mean so much less then ever now.  I appreciate a nice gesture and something thoughtful over a pricy gift any day!
4- I love buying things used :)
5- I never knew how much joy children would bring me.  I always wanted to be a mom, but I never knew how much they would make my heart grow!
6- facials are an amazing gift that I treat myself to about once a year :)
7- I still don't like to wear shoes outside. I'm kind of a hippy!!
8- I have learned how to fit an astronomical amount of things into a single day.
9- I really hate laundry!!! I know hate is a strong word, but I mean it!!
10- I have lost many relatives in the last couple years, and I miss them all so much!
11- I will always have a dog... life doesn't seem right without one.
12- I love to grow my own food... veggies, berries, fruit and our eggs!!
13- Tanning is bad!  Jergins self tanner is the only way my legs ever get any color!  I swear, I use SPF 50 every day in the sun! 
14- I can drive a car, hand a kid his juice box, grab a toy that fell behind a seat, order a Starbucks and listen to the radio all at the same time...safely I assure you :)
15- I love my husband more and more every day.  Not for the things I loved him for at 20, but now, its such a deep appreciation and understanding that I have for him.  I love true love!
16- I have learned how powerful the words "I'm sorry" and "I appreciate you" are.
17 - Doors on bathrooms are a waste when you have little kids... they just barge in anyways!
18 - I love Garth Brooks and Reba more now then I did 10 years ago... ahhh my drift away music!
19- My favorite movie is still "You've Got Mail"  I could recite that movie forwards and backwards!
20 - I know how it feels to put your child's life into someone else's hand, and to not know if they will survive. 
21- I know more cardiology terms then you do :)
22- When I worked, I had somewhat of a disposable income, and since making the change to stay at home with my kids, I have become the budget queen.. I am proud of how far I can stretch a dollar!
23- Being healthy is so much more important then being thin.
24- I have learned to never say never... because the second you do, life surprises you :)
25- I get heartburn from even looking at spicy food!
26- Makeup is no longer a daily occurrence... sorry!
27- Honest communication is more important then being right.
28- in my early 20's, I drank...a lot... now - very rarely, and almost never! 
29- I have learned that many people use social media to make their life " look perfect" and I simply could care less, and I just don't have time for it. 
30- I have learned over the past 10 years how important it is to really touch, feel, love, embrace and really see everything.  I cant wait for the next 10 year - to actually be present in this time and to grow with it.  Bring it on 30's, I'm ready for ya!!

I know that many big changes will be coming our way and I am so ready for it!  Life is full or surprises, challenges, changes and the unknown.  I have learned that nothing stays the same for long, so you should always appreciate it, learn from it and welcome it!  Life is beautiful, even when it isn't perfect.  HAPPY BIRTHDAY WEEK TO ME!!

Never Say Never...

Just when you begin to think that you have it all figured out, you realize that sometimes God has bigger plans for you then you have for yourself.  We will be expecting BABY #3 sometime in late November/early December!!  We were going to wait until our first Dr. appointment on the 28TH to say anything, but we are too excited to wait any longer!  Plus, its my birthday week, and I want to celebrate this new life that I have growing inside me! 

 

This is shocking, exciting, overwhelming, and such good news.  We found out on April 1st  (HAHA I know - April Fools Day) but this is no April Fools Day joke.  Many questions have entered my mind, as I am sure that they will all work themselves out, but I am not going to lie, I also have a little fear.  When people would ask if we were planning on having another baby, and we would say "no, I think that we are done" they would continue on by saying something like " good, because two is tough but 3 is a whole different ball game, and you don't want to deal with that"  Now, I wonder why people cant say more encouraging things... it never really occurred me until now, probably because it never affected me, but many people have 3 kiddos, so my goodness gracious, I don't see what all the fuss is about, its a new life for crying out loud!!  I know that this is going to be an adjustment, but we are so ready, and so completely excited!!  I have also learned to never say never because the second that you do, your world surprises you!  HAHA Kyle and I are an amazing team and we are really excited that the powers that be have decided to bless us with an addition to our family... We know that its going to be a very exciting-humbling-interesting time, and we are ready, and Blake and Luke cant wait to be big brothers.

Spring Break Camping

We go camping quite a bit in Anacortes, not only because Kyle is Samish Indian and they own this RV park, but because it is beautiful there and a center spot to be to go and do so many things.  and not to mention, this is the nicest and cleanest camping spot that I have ever been at, and we LOVE it!

My view from my bedroom in my trailer :)

Since Blake was on Spring break last week, it was a perfect time for a little spring camping trip and both the boys have been begging us to go camping.  hey would live in our trailer if we let them.  We were able to take the Kayaks out for the first time this year and both the boys had a blast with them.  Grandma and Grandpa Rogers got Blake a Kayak for his birthday last year but we haven't had a chance to use it yet, and Luke, who usually sits in one of our laps also sat in the kids kayak and we couldn't get him out of it... we all took turns towing them around the bay!

We visited Mt. Earie, and the views were spectacular!

 

We went and saw the Maiden and played around at Deception Pass

We threw rocks, searched for crabs, went on bike rides, flew kites, roasted hotdogs, and Uncle Scott introduced us to the "roasted peep"  Yummy!!  Kona did really well... she is pretty easy to take camping and does a really good job in the trailer.  It was a really good trip and really fun to just get away, and spend some quality time with the family.